I wake up every morning so thankful for the gift of Ellie. That this little human being is growing and everyday she gets stronger increasing her chances for survival outside of me. I am in awe and in love with the beautiful being who so far rolls and kicks as any form of communication we have. I worry about so much for her. I worry about what I eat. Did the eggs cook long enough? Did that have mayo on it? No lunch meats...To did she move enough today? What if I go into preterm labor? Complications at birth, etc...I'm sure that many new moms out there worry about some of the same things.
At times, I wish I could be blissfully ignorant to what all could go wrong. I have enjoyed every minute of being pregnant so far. I take great responsibility in this gift that I have been given to raise. I think of things that were wonderful in my childhood to duplicate and think of the things I hope she never has to endure. Though I have faith that everything will turn out right and Ellie will be okay...Her two vessel umbilical cord comes to mind everyday. Wondering if she will be healthy at birth and then on. This in turn makes me even more cautious of what I eat and do knowing that maybe she can't get rid of the waste she has as easy as other infants.
I write this not even sure why to share these personal thoughts except that maybe if I let them out...then I can let go of them. I can focus on the positive outcome that is sure to follow for me and Ellie. I can have confidence in knowing that no matter what, God has a plan. I have a strong faith that all is right with this little one and she is developing exactly the way she is supposed to. I have faith that her birth will be happiest day of my life. I have faith that we are the best fit for this child. After all, this little girl was sent to me...sent to the Fleming family for a specific reason. Please continue to pray for the safe development and journey this little one has for the next 16-18 weeks :)
I was a lot the same way when I was first pregnant. I think when you are young and starting out you don't think about what could happen. It's because you have too much knowledge. I think you have the right attitude, though, about trusting that God is making Ellie just as she is supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteThe bad news is that after she comes there are other things to think about. The fear doesn't ever completely go away. I just had to force myself to focus on what I could do and try and ignore those other negative thoughts.
Good luck. Ellie is one lucky girl to have you for a mommy!